Day 34 of fast - undriven

I am taking a class called theory and practice of counseling and psychotherapy. I know it sounds big. One of the methods we just covered was existential therapy. This therapy method is about "helping clients develop a greater presence in their quest for meaning and purpose" (Corey, 2009, p134). Now this is a very common theme in the church. In fact with the advent of the purpose driven life we have seen our fair share of teaching about our search for significance. I am not here to criticize but rather to offer something different to ponder and consider. I believe that Rick Warren has helped thousands of people and I am in no place to hand out harsh words. So with all due respect to my fellow laborer in Christ I want to consider the effect of a non purpose driven life; a life that is not in search of meaning and legacy.

I have always been on a quest for purpose. Maybe because I have never figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Maybe because I had a hard time coming to terms with who I was and maybe because I really needed some direction. No matter the cause I ate up the concepts of finding meaning in life, leaving behind a legacy, and being purpose driven. I always assumed that if I was purpose driven then I would have vision, mission and objectives. If I had those then I would have goals and be productive in life. If I was productive in life then I felt good about myself and was sure God was thinking good things about me; I was certain to be on the nice list and not the naughty one when reckoning came around.

The world and the church tells us the same thing. They put us on a path of duty = satisfaction. The more we do, the happier we are. The more principles we put into practice the more fulfilled we will be. Everyone talks about it, why? Haven't they figured out that they are all still searching for completion and fulfillment. Haven't they realized that all the sermons, books, and counseling only leads them to dry cisterns. Sure they drink but they thirst again. Jesus said if you drink my water you will NEVER thirst again. That is not the modern day Christian experience.

Once again Poser/Self has managed to turn out the lights and continue to drive our lives. He has set up shop in our inner pharisee and made us believe that duty is our calling and highest honor. He has duped us into a life that has left us far from the heart, passion and joy of God. No wonder Christians are just as depressed and their marriages just a broken as the outsiders. Our jealous God will not put up with it. But we can't see His jealousy over our lives. We ignore the pain, we ignore our inner frustrations, we build walls of defense to justify our actions and we fight His jealousy, His pursuit of us, His desire to rid us of self.

Fulfillment in the love and joy of God leaves me without a drive for legacy, without a need for purpose, without a quest for meaning. Jesus was a great non purpose driven man. He does tell us why He came when he read from the Old Testament in the synagogue, but it was not driven by self, it was a reflection of the Fathers will. Jesus wasn't out to leave a legacy. He was out to reflect to the world the works of the Father. He said that He only did what He saw the Father do and only spoke what He heard His Father speak. Hows that for non driven. There is a big difference between obeying God and following God as a reaction and obeying God and following God as purpose driven duty. The first cannot be avoided when we are flooded by His love the second cannot be avoided when flooded by Self. The first maybe labeled purpose driven but purpose is not what drives the first man.

During this fast and as a result of my new found love I no longer have a desire to leave a legacy, to make a name for myself, or to be purpose driven. I long for one thing; to grow in the knowledge of God's enjoyment over my life and reflect His desire in the world. Before I did anything He was pleased with me.

Physically: weight 132. I felt great today. I took a Spanish Clep test and got a 76 out of 80 which is worth 12 credit hours, yee haw. I was really excited about that. I guess all those years in Argentina paid off. I worked all day, lots of work today. I had normal liquids; water, juice and broth. I am excited that the fast is almost over. I need to research how to come off it without injuring myself. I am cold and sleep with a heating pad. My shoulders and back continue to itch. Oh and remember I said that I stopped using deodarant, well that didn't last long. My feet and hands are always cold. I drink enough to make sure my pee is clear but I am not overdoing it. I probably am drinking less and 1 gallon a day. In the beginning of the fast I was drinking tons of water and constantly going to the bathroom. But then I read, just stay hydrated dont over do it. I thought it was good advice and it has worked for me. Its funny I only have 5 days left, it seems like nothing, but when I first started the first 5 days seemed like forever. LOL.

References:
Corey, G. (2009). Theory and practice of counseling and psychotherapy 8th edition. Cengage Learning. Mason, OH.