Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16
God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God... 2 Cor 1:4
I have never empathized well others. I can't remember if I used to be different because it has been so long since I have been this way. I can't remember a time when I actually felt the burden of pain as someone else does. I can't remember a time when I could identify and relate to the emotional distress of another. I can't remember looking at someone laden with sin and felt my heart break for them.
If there is no empathy, what is there? There is disdain. There is anger. There is condemnation for others who are wrapped up in sin. There is pride because I have overcome and they haven't. There is a sense of superiority in that I am strong and they are weak. There is mockery. There is insult. There is the drill Sergent approach to life; let's go, no excuses, you can't quit, what are you a...
It sucks to look at people with haughty eyes. It sucks knowing that my thoughts towards them are always at some comparative level. It sucks thinking that anything that I have overcome or have been able to avoid is lifted up as a trophy of accomplishment and boasting. I won't mention the things I look down on simple because I would piss so many people off and start getting hate mail. I will spare you the details and leave you wondering if I somehow haven't privately used you as a stepping stone to self adoration and praise.
I have always been critical of others, critical of events, and critical of life. I have never embraced life as a joyful journey. It has always (as far as I can remember) been about completion, accomplishment, and the raising of self. I have approached life always seeking who I could use to get a hand up. The rich were seen as dollar signs for me to take advantage of. The poor were seen as opportunities to improve my resume. The different were seen as problems to be fixed so that I could put a notch in my belt and remind myself of how great I was.
It was sickening and for all purposes just flat evil.
Let's not dance around the disgust of this truth. Let's call a spade a spade. This is not the heart of God coming through a believer. This is not the kindness of Jesus that you see in the Gospels. This is not the mercy of God experienced at salvation. This is not the goodness of God that I am invited to when I fall. This is not the caring of God we get when we are broken and beaten down. This is not the searching or outstretched arms of Papa awaiting the prodigals return. This is not love.
My life is a response of my beliefs. For so long I did not understand the empathy of Jesus. I assumed that He was, well, like me. But He is not. The Bible says that He empathizes with our weakness. His tenderness and mercy reach out to the fallen me, places His arms around my shoulder in my brokenness, and comforts me without guilt.
I don't think I have ever understood or felt the tenderness of Jesus. I have lived under the shadow of self imposed tyranny. Empathy and love for others is birthed from experience, from tasting and seeing it oneself. John writes in 1John about what he tasted, touched, saw, and experienced. He writes because His life has been transformed through relationship.
I look forward to empathies embrace. I look forward to the awareness of His tender mercies. I look forward to resting in comfort. I look forward to the realization that no stone has been thrown my way.
I look forward to sharing that experience with others.
Physically: Weight 132. I feel good. I am so glad it is almost over. I have senioritis now. You remember back in high school, senior year, where you just didn't care anymore, you were happy, life was going great, you just couldn't wait for it to be over? Well, that is me. I am so ready for this to be over. I had juice and trash today, as much as I wanted to finish out strong, I just couldn't. I sat up in the art studio studying, salivating as I tried not the think about the spicy popcorn, but in the end it was just too much to bear. I had more than few handfuls. I had juice and broth today as well. I hope to do a recap of the fast in tomorrows post. I printed out my 40 day journey today, it is 67 pages long. I will be looking for patterns, areas of growth, sampling days, weight, and emotions; the idea is to do some sort of comprehensive analysis on what this journey has been like.
0 comments:
Post a Comment