happy pain

I know these last couple of posts have seemed kind of down. They may have given off the idea that I was going through some kind of personal hell, which I am not. During my fast I came to believe that God really does love me, in fact, He is crazy for me. I knew that this discovery would be a life long learning process, that I had not just found something, but that I had discovered a new path to journey on.

The first part of that journey is confronting pain and trouble. I finally believe that I can honestly tackle the questions of why a good and loving Father permits and inflicts pain on me?

Before I could only really dance around the issue, I could not face it head on. I had no foundational experience of His love. I am able to address this question because it must be answered.

On Sunday the pastor asked the congregation why we don't live more like Christians? Why don't we live the life we claim to have? Why don't we live for the God we claim to know?

I think the answer is easy; it is not because we don't want to, or because we are intentionally trying to avoid it. I think the answer is because we recognize that pain and trouble plagues us and it doesn't make sense. We recognize that something isn't right, that something isn't the way we thought it would and should be. Why is divorce and abuse the same in the church as it is outside the church? Why is Islam taking over and the church not?

Easy, because we still are trying to reconcile the God that we are learning about with the reality of the life experience.

I am not sad. I am not mad. I am not upset at God. I am questioning. I am wondering why the Christian friends that I love, whom God loves more, lose their children to death and drugs, lose their family to affairs, lose their finances to a bad economy, lose their purpose and hope to pain and trouble? I wonder why? And so do they. I ask the question because I know it must be asked and answered.

One of the books that attempted to answer that question said the reason that bad things happen to good people is because God is not powerful enough to stop it. Really? It basically claimed that God isn't who He claims to be. That is a bad answer.

So let me assure you I am well. I am hurting for the hurt and on a journey to bring hope and healing in meaningful and real ways. I will not just offer some pat answer like, "we are more than overcomers." We need some substance to confront the pain and trouble that entangles us.

I know that God's love is real and sufficient, but I cannot hid my head in the sand when pain is all around.