complacency

Before I lived in Argentina I was openly Christian. I was radically a Jesus freak. I saw the demarcation line clearly and knew the difference between the two sides; those who had Jesus and followed Him and those who did not.

I went to Argentina and that difference continued. Maybe it was because I was an obvious foreigner. It was easy to stand out, it was easy to maintain that edge, it was me and them. I have been back in the USA for over 10 years now and that line of demarcation no longer exists. I no longer feel it is me and them, I feel it is just us. I am one of the rest. In the promise land I am getting fat off peace and compromise.

I have a great paying job. I have great working hours. I have a 3300 sq ft home, 2 cars, 4 kids, a dog, health, comfort, and a stirring inside. Something in me saying this just isn't right. Something in me wanting to take a leap of faith, to follow a dream, but unwilling or unable to make the sacrifice to do that.

I can't believe 10 years has gone by. I can't believe that I abandoned a dream - not that I set out to do that, it just somehow happened. And now complacency keeps that dream at bay. I am stirred inside but not sure what to do with this stirring, not sure how to give it life, not sure I can do it without things getting messy. Not sure those who must follow are ready, willing or able. Not sure I am. But in this pot of American satisfaction I recline with my pina colada knowing that I am out of place.

But it is not just the dream forgone, it is the passion, the sanctification, the salvation that in Christ I am someone different. This complacency penetrates my thoughts about God and leaves me just fat and happy in the promise land.

There is a line between us and them, between those who know and love Jesus and those who dont; between those whose lives are ravished by sin and those whose lives are ravished by salvation; between those whose hearts are full of anger, bitterness, hate, and fear those whose hearts are filled with the life of the Holy Spirit. There is a difference. I want to see that difference. I want to be on one side pulling over others. I want to be able to see in the midst of comfort, satisfaction, complacency that there is still a war that is waging for the lives of those around me. I want to see and live with a recognition it is not okay to not follow Jesus, it is not okay to agree with evil thoughts, it is not okay...

When I think of people that I admire, respect and want to be like - they are ministers not CEO's. There is nothing wrong with the CEO, its just not me.