finally

It has taken me longer than others. I think some people just get it earlier in life. I think some people have foresight and understand that their choices today affect their life tomorrow. It has taken me nearly 37 years to come to the realization that I will probably live the result of my choices for the next 50 years. Maybe it was foolishness, or blindness, or just plane ignorance but I never really believed I would live a long life. The result was quick thoughtless ventures with the hopes of ease and comfort. Bugger.

Maybe it is something about midlife...but I am getting older...way older than I thought. I look at people around me and I am no longer the kid. I can be the parent, the advisor, the sound mind, the someone I never dreamed of being...but am.

As I thought about the journey I have had as an adult I realized that the path I am currently on is not the path I want to continue down. I miss who I was as a missionary. I realize I will never wear that suit again. But that doesn't mean that I can't make a radical change now to recover the values that I held and hold so dear.

It is never too late to pursue dreams.

After much chit chat with my wife I am going back to school - I going to be a Dr. I have 2 years of science prereqs and an MCAT to get out of the way before starting. Then it is 4 years of school and 4 years of residency and by the time I am 47, my oldest will be in college, my middle one a Sr in high school, my 3rd a Sophmore and my boy -- well only 10.

I start school in Jan - 16 hours - 4 classes. I have already started studying. I will be a full time student, a full time dad, and have a full time job...thats a lot of full times...lol.

I think I get life now. I am no longer lost and wandering to and from. I learn something and it really makes sense. I have a worldview that helps me in life. Being older gives me an advantage as a student. As I learn I also have understanding and wisdom to accompany that knowledge. I learn and can fit that info in with application to life. My teachers will at times be peers or younger than me.

Anyway all that to say I am changing the direction of life because I am finally able to do so. I don't know why it has taken me so long - other than the fact that I have been foolish, short sighted, and rebellious. But like I said before, it is never to late to start again. No excuse from my past can trump my choice to change.

For me learning is the discovery of God. When I study DNA or physics I am uncovering the hand of God - discovering the heart, intent, and wonder of the creator. The more I study science the more I am convinced that God is real and His hand keeps us. So while this path may seem long and hard...I can't think of any better way to spend my time than exploring the depths of God while pursuing one of His heart felt values - to help and heal others.

Onward and upward.